The Secret Footballer, in which the former Premier League star talks about his life behind a pseudonym, why he quit and whether he’ll try again, has been revealed.
Secret footballer revealed (Image: Getty Images)
Fifteen years, five books, must-read newspaper columns and many social media threads devoted to “outing” him, the full story of The Secret Footballer has finally been revealed.
At the height of his popularity, there was even a website called “Who Is the Secret Footballer,” which compiled all the clues from the weekly behind-the-scenes of professional football to find out who was behind “TSF.”
His article will bring back the curtain on the ‘billion dollar circus’ that is elite football, with key themes including agents, locker room politics and industry cynicism.
Many former footballers now have their own podcasts and columns, but this was a groundbreaking insight at the time.
Many football fans of a certain age will know who he really is, but former Reading, Stoke City, Sheffield United and Portsmouth striker Dave Kitson has finally admitted it publicly, saying: “I wasn’t happy with where football was going and I needed an outlet to express that for my mental health.”
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Kitson, now a leading motivational speaker, has finally decided to come clean, detailing why his career took a turn toward writing best-selling novels and interesting articles, both before and after he quit his job.
While some people pursue their dreams of becoming a soccer player, Kitson found a career as a soccer player instead.
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“I never intended to be a football player. It was one of those things that just happened,” Kitson said. “I wanted to be a travel writer. I wanted to travel the world and have someone pay me to do it. So I fell in love with soccer.”
Kitson made 81 appearances in the Premier League, during which he scored 15 goals. The 46-year-old made 403 appearances across seven clubs during his career, scoring 115 goals and providing 30 assists.
Becoming a soccer player may be a dream for some people, but that doesn’t mean it’s perfect. So “The Secret Footballer” was introduced in Kitson’s place as a way to allay the industry’s fears.
“I’m The Secret Footballer. I’ve never said it out loud before,” Kitson revealed after 15 years of mystery. “This was an idea that came to me when I wasn’t happy with where football was going and needed an outlet for my mental health.
BOLTON, ENGLAND – SEPTEMBER 19: Stoke’s Dave Kitson celebrates after scoring the opening goal in the Barclays Premier League match between Bolton Wanderers and Stoke City at the Reebok Stadium in Bolton, England, on September 19, 2009. (Photo: Michael Regan/Getty Images)(Image: (Photo: Michael Regan/Getty Images))
“I’ve been writing since I was a kid. It’s a passion. Like I said, I wanted to be a travel writer. Writing was cathartic. It helped me understand what was going on in football.”
It was Kitson’s first release, but eventually the demands on Kitson became greater and the pressure began to mount.
Kitson added: “This started not as a naming thing, but as an explanation of what is happening in the industry and why.
“I wrote and let people form their own opinions. It was fun for a while, but then a lot of anxiety set in. I had a career and a big contract. If I had been out, I would have been fired and kicked out. Now everyone has a podcast and an outlet. Back then, it was really new.”
“I’m proud to have changed football in this country and led to an overhaul at the highest level. But the stress and anxiety has been immense.”
Impact on mental health in soccer
In “The Secret Footballer,” Kitson discussed more than just the grievances surrounding the “circus” of the soccer world. Mental health was a prominent issue the former striker was trying to get across, but there is also a sense of frustration at not having spoken out sooner.
Kitson admits: “The worst thing that happened was when I wrote a column about mental health called “Behind the Light, There Is Sometimes Darkness.”
“At the time, no one was talking about mental health in football. If you talked about it, you were seen as weak. I said mental health was an epidemic and predicted it was only a matter of time before someone took their own life.
“I submitted it on Friday. It was published on Saturday. Gary Speed was found dead on Sunday. That’s when The Secret Footballer stopped being funny.”
Gary Speed passed away in 2011 (Image: (Photo credit IAN KINGTON/AFP via Getty Images))
“It gave the column credibility in the worst way. For a long time, I struggled with the guilt of not writing the column sooner. I felt angry at the authorities for their reluctance.”
“Things have improved since then, but the tragedy was terrible. Shortly thereafter, I stopped writing and disappeared.”
Kitson’s final statement may come as a shock to many, as TSF’s writings over the years have captured the attention of football supporters across the country.
“My advice to my younger self: Don’t write a book like that,” he concluded. “They were fun and helped me mentally. But people always want more from you. No matter what you give, it’s never enough.
“You give a part of your soul to people. You’re either the type that can get through it or you struggle. I know a lot of people who struggle and wish they hadn’t played soccer. I’m glad I played soccer. It shaped me. If I didn’t play soccer, would I miss it? Probably not.”
Samaritans (116 123) is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. If you want to write down how you’re feeling, or if you’re worried about being overheard over the phone, you can email Samaritans at jo@samaritans.org.
