Manchester United could land the next Yaya Toure
Shikou Niakate reveals the unique reason why he stopped his football career (Image: Shikou Niakate)
A filmmaker gave up on his boyhood dream of a football career because of insecurities about the size of his penis. Shikou Niakate, 34, grew up playing soccer in Paris and idolized Sir Alex Ferguson’s Manchester United team.
He aspired to emulate the likes of David Beckham and Patrice Evra at Old Trafford and showed promise, with his height and style of play even drawing comparisons to Manchester City legend Yaya Toure. However, Niakate revealed how he gave up on his dream of joining a football club because he felt ashamed of his private parts.
In a fascinating new documentary on the subject of masculinity, available on YouTube, titled “Dans le noir, les hommes pleurent” (Men Cry in the Dark), the director talks about two harrowing events from his youth that fueled his fear of change in the dressing room. The idea of taking a communal shower quickly became unthinkable, and his dreams of a career in football ended.
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“When I was a child, all I wanted was to be a footballer. I dreamed of Manchester United, the red shirt, the number 7, David Beckham and Patrice Evra. I gave everything for that. I played football for at least three hours a day. I was good. I played in the midfield and sometimes as a number 10. I was tall, I was already 1.92 meters tall,” he told L’Equipe. I was technically gifted. This is unusual for a tall man.
“I was more accurate with my passing than the players I played with. I was so accurate that even though I was the tallest, I could even cross the ball. I was a bit like Yaya Toure. I played in a neighborhood in the 19th arrondissement of Paris. Naturally, there was talk of joining a club. But that would mean accepting the idea of communal showers, and for me that was unthinkable. “Impossible, what was hidden would be revealed. ”
He dreamed of playing for Manchester United (Image: Wolves via Getty Images)
“One day when I was little, I was getting ready to take a shower while my sister was cleaning the bathroom. We started arguing and she angrily laughed and said to me, ‘You little little shit.’ When she said that, those words stuck with me and killed me. I knew I wasn’t normal, I wasn’t beautiful, and I had to hide it.
“Then, after a football game, one of my friends jokingly asked me to show him his dick for no reason. His dick was bigger, but I didn’t want to show it. He kept pressuring me and insisted it was weird for me to say no. I didn’t have a choice. I pulled down my sweatpants and underwear. He looked, stifled a laugh, and then exploded, ‘Your dick is small, that’s weird.’
“I was dying inside. I walked behind him with my head down, looking at the ground. I’m a monster. That’s why I decided I would never play club football. Never, ever. So when I did play, maybe I could have been twice as good as I was to compensate for not being able to play for the team. I’m not saying I had the talent to have a big career, but I think I could have played for even a good club. But showing up was not an option.”
Shikou Niakate was ridiculed for the size of his penis (Image: Shikou Niakate)
I couldn’t even step into the communal shower (Image: Shikou Niakate)
“I talk about the importance of penis size in the documentary ‘Men Cry in the Dark’ and with all the feedback I received, I realized that it affects a huge number of men. This is called ‘locker room syndrome’.
“I thought I was the only one who was always thinking to myself, ‘I’m ashamed to have this body!'” That never left me. In middle school, I always got between 17 and 20 points in PE, but in swimming I got 0 points. I’ve never been there. You will have to wear a swimsuit that sticks to your crotch. Do you wear a swimsuit while showering? Forget it!
“If I play club basketball, it’s because I can execute strategies. At the time, I was in hospitality school. To avoid having to change in the shared locker room, I explained that I had classes and couldn’t get there early. , I arrived in my school suit from the time practice started. On match days, at my worst, I had to take off my pants and quickly put on shorts, turn around, talk, and distract myself, and the communal showers were not open.”
He claimed to play like Yaya Toure (Photo) (Image: Getty Images)
“I know that penis size has taken on irrational importance in my life. It’s a war within me. Very early on, I told myself, ‘It’s over.'” As a child, I looked at my body with great disgust, but I kept telling myself, “It’ll change when I grow up.” I had this utopian vision. After a while, I realized that this body has an eternal flavor, that utopian vision disappeared, and at that time I went very far. I told myself that I absolutely had to change. I looked into surgery etc.
“I feel like I’m not fulfilling my duty as a man, like I’ve been punished by the genetic lottery, and it’s shaping every aspect of my life. Obviously, it’s gone too far. I’m glad my partners didn’t realize it the same way I did. I’ve seen it with my partners that it’s not an obstacle and it’s not talked about. They’ll say, ‘What are you talking about?'” Perhaps I thought that as a black person, my normalcy had to be too much and I couldn’t just conform to French standards. I think it can foster a distorted view of ourselves.
“Things have gotten better since I allowed myself the experience of sharing an intimacy that I hadn’t considered for a long time. But while I’m very comfortable with myself in public, with clothes on, I’m not so comfortable with myself naked.”
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